


Royal Prank War

by nicstew



Category: Lore Olympus (Webcomic)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:02:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26160820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicstew/pseuds/nicstew
Summary: Now that Persephone and Hades are engaged, Hera takes the opportunity to stage a new campaign in the war of wars. After centuries of an unfair match of 2 vs. 3, the queens were finally even with the kings in number, and now it was time for them to be even - better yet, above - them in the score. Forget the Titanomachy, this is: the Royal Prank War.
Relationships: Amphitrite/Poseidon (Lore Olympus), Hades/Persephone (Lore Olympus), Hera/Zeus (Lore Olympus)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 66





	1. Chapter 1

It was the night of the first family dinner since Hades proposed to Persephone, and Hera had a very important conversation to have with the new queen-to-be. She had told Zeus to have Hades and Persephone come over a bit earlier than usual under the pretense of needing to talk to the younger goddess about wedding plans. I mean, goddess of marriage _and_ sister-in-law to be? Zeus wouldn’t have a clue that she was lying.

When the pair arrived, Zeus hustled Hades off toward his cigar lounge and away from the “girl talk,” as Hades tried to resist while protesting over his shoulder that, “really, it’s _our_ wedding, shouldn’t I be involved in the planning?” Any other time, Hera would be annoyed with her husband for dismissing a discussion of weddings and marriage as “girl talk,” and she wholeheartedly agreed with her brother-in-law, but since this conversation was, in fact, not about his upcoming union with Persephone, she waved them off.

As soon as they were out of sight, the queen of the gods turned to the goddess of spring with a sly grin. “It’s time for a chat,” she said.

* * *

Hera led Persephone into the kitchen and gestured for her to have a seat at the island.

“Hebe!” she called.

The young goddess poked her head around the doorway. “Yes, mama?”

“I need a gin and tonic, and Persephone would like…,” she raised an eyebrow at the pink goddess.

“Hello, Hebe! Could I have a pomegranate martini?”

Hebe grinned when she saw Persephone, and ran over to give her a hug. “Hi, Aunt Persephone!” Hebe squeezed her in her little version of a bear hug and then handed Persephone her drink.

When Hera had her drink as well, and Hebe had gone off to get ready for dinner, Persephone eyed the older goddess carefuly.

“So, I get the feeling that the conversation you want to have with me has nothing to do with wedding planning,” she started.

Hera grinned. “Nope. Even better.”

* * *

By the time Poseidon and Amphitrite arrived for dinner, Hera had caught Persephone up on the history and highlights of the prank war so far, and the two goddesses had tossed around a few ideas for their first strike. Persephone had cleverly suggested that they create a group chat just for strategizing, separate from the Crown Bitches chat (named by Amphitrite) that they had begun when Persephone had “unofficially officially” joined the family. Hera had agreed, adding that they should only use code names as an extra layer of security, particularly since she knew Zeus could be both incredibly nosy and incredibly clueless.

That night, while Hades got ready for bed in the bathroom, Persephone covertly checked her phone to see that Hera had started the chat.

****From Turtle; to Sprout, Sandy: Hello friends. Let the battle begin.** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Code Names:  
>  Hera: Turtle  
>  Persephone: Sprout  
>  Amphitrite: Sandy
> 
> Zeus: Teeny  
>  Hades: Smiley  
>  Poseidon: Guppy
> 
> Notes:  
>  -Hera ---> bunny/hare ---> tortoise and the hare ---> turtle  
>  -Zeus likes appletinis and Hera also wanted to sneak in a dick joke  
>  -Guppies have a peaceful temperament and “will eat almost everything”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hades gets pranked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The drink instructions throughout are for Chinchela's fic night on her Discord on 8/30. I'll take them out later, but I'm writing this fic for the event so just an FYI so no one reading is confused.

The queens and queen-to-be decided to start with Hades. As their, although not his, luck would have it, the quarterly Underworld Corp. all-staff assembly was coming up. The meeting always started right at 9 AM on a Monday and lasted until noon or so, with Hades, Hecate and several other higher-ups giving updates on the departments and the state of the company as a whole. Hades prided himself on this exercise in transparency with his employees, even though Hecate often pointed out that, “you know, this could be an email.” He knew it was a long morning of sitting around, but he also hated being in front of large crowds and avoided it as often as possible, and insisted that these meetings counted as a good amount of face time with the public. It was business, and he wasn’t the sole focus, so it was easy enough for him to manage. Unfortunately for the King of the Underworld, this time, he would definitely be the only one in the spotlight.

* * *

Persephone knew that it would take perfect timing and a bit of luck to pull this off. Hades was always dragged to Sunday brunch with his brothers, and she needed to sneak Hera and Amphitrite in and out of the house before he returned, and more importantly, keep him out of his closet until the next morning.

****From Sprout; to Turtle, Sandy: Smiley just left the building. Be here in 10.** **

****From Turtle; to Sprout, Sandy: On my way to Sandy’s to get the goods now.** **

Persephone read the message and herded eight rowdy dogs into the back yard. ****[drink - Hades’ dogs!]**** She didn’t need them all causing a fuss when Hera and Trite arrived, since she had told them to just transport straight into the living room. Cordon Bleu, in particular, hated those surprise appearances, and a startled and angry CB was essentially a tornado with claws.

Several minutes later, a grinning Hera and giggling Amphitrite appeared in the living room, holding mounds of brightly colored fabric.

“Alright, let’s go,” Persephone said, quickly heading toward the stairs and leading the two queens to her and Hades’ bedroom.

Once in the room, she gestured to the bed. “Show me what we’ve got!”

Hera and Amphitrite proceeded to lay out a variety of garishly bright, hideously patterned Hawaiian shirts. Neon and flowers were everywhere. There were sexy mermaids, pineapples and coconuts with stupid faces, crabs holding maracas, dolphins with hula skirts, and palm trees everywhere. There were solid backgrounds, tie-dye, stripes, and even one shirt with a terrifyingly ugly checkerboard patterned background. They were an affront to the eyes of the highest degree. They were the King of the Sea’s favorite thing to wear. They were the only shirts Hades would find in his closet when he woke up in the morning.

Persephone grinned. “This. Is. Amazing,” she said. “Help me pack up all of his shirts and then I can take care of putting these away once you guys have left to go hide everything else.”

The two queens helped Persephone shove every shirt Hades owned into two suitcases, a duffel bag, and two large backpacks. Persephone snorted. “For someone who only ever wears one of three things, Hades sure has a lot of those three things. Look at all of this!”

Hera snorted. “You think this is a lot? You should see Zeus’ closet. I honestly think the man may have more clothes than I do, and I literally refuse to let him leave the house in almost half of them. The fact that he thinks he should ever purchase something with sequins on it…,” she trailed off and shuddered.

Amphitrite shrugged. “You can see what my husband’s wardrobe mostly consists of.” She gestured to the shirts on the bed. “It suits him, though.” She grinned. “But you have to send us a picture of Hades in whichever one he wears, because he is definitely not going to look at home in one of these.”

The three goddesses broke out in laughter.

“We should get going now,” Hera said. “We’ll take Hades’ stuff to my house and I can hide it in Ares’ closet. He’s not home right now so it won’t be in his way, and if Hades thinks Zeus might have had a part in this and has him look around the house, I can guarantee that is one room he will NOT check.”

“Good luck with the rest of the plan, can’t wait for the update tomorrow morning!” Amphitrite chirped as she and Hera grabbed the bags. The two queens waved and fizzed away, leaving Persephone to hang up the short-sleeved abominations and finalize her plan to distract Hades until the morning.

That afternoon, Persephone cooked a nice dinner with dessert and wine that she had ready and waiting when Hades returned home, under the pretense of relaxing before the big meeting. Then she continued the evening with more wine and some time in the hot tub, then some romantic activities in the bedroom, and finally, once her fiance was happily passed out in bed, she grabbed his phone to turn off his morning alarm.

* * *

The ringing of Persephone’s alarm woke her. She rolled over in the bed, smiling at the sight of Hades still asleep next to her. _Show time_ , she thought.

“Babe! Wake up!” She shook his shoulder. “Hades, it’s time to get ready for work.”

He startled awake and shot upright. “Wha- what time is it?!”

“It’s 8:30, and the meeting is at 9. Hurry, go shower and get ready and I’ll make some breakfast. I washed my hair yesterday so I can just throw it in a bun and be ready quickly, too.”

“Shit shit shit, how did this happen?” He mumbled to himself as he jumped out of bed. The King of the Underworld did not oversleep, and he was never late to anything.

Persephone wandered downstairs to make some scrambled eggs as she waited for the freak-out.

Fifteen minutes later, she heard it.

“WHAT IN GAIA’S NAME IS THIS?! WHERE ARE MY- ZEEUUUSSSS!!!”

 _Just as planned_ , Persephone thought as she ran upstairs. A bonus of this idea had been the fact that Hades would assume that his brothers were behind it, meaning first, the three goddesses had more time to put their plans for Zeus and Poseidon into motion before the two kings realized they needed to be on guard against their wives, and second, Hades would surely want to get his brothers back himself, leading to additional pranks on the two with no effort on the goddesses’ part.

“Hades, what’s wrong?!”

“Where are my clothes?!” Hades yelped, turning around with a panicked look on his face.

“What are you talking about? Your clothes are in the closet…?”

“No, no… no. All my shirts are gone! Where in Tartarus are my shirts?!”

Hades paced back and forth as Persephone inched toward the closet and peeked her head in, pretending to look around in confusion. “What… are these?”

“I- I don’t know! They look like- like Poseidon’s shirts! I don’t own anything that looks like… _that_!”

“What about your sweaters? We can figure out where your work shirts went later, but we have a little more than ten minutes before the meeting, so we really need to get ready.”

“A sweater! Right! You’re a genius,” Hades sighed in relief and bent down to kiss Persephone on the head before turning to his dresser to look for a shirt there. She wanted to cringe and giggle at the same time.

“What the…?!” Hades yanked open the rest of the drawers in the dresser. “ALL of my shirts are gone! There aren’t any here either! I can’t LEAD THE QUARTERLY MEETING IN… IN ANYTHING THAT’S HERE!” He grabbed his phone off his nightstand. “I have to call Hecate and have her push the meeting back, or start it without me, I have to go buy something to wear…,” he mumbled as he dialed.

Persephone pasted a worried look on her face as she threw on a dress and cardigan, pulled her hair into a stylishly messy bun, and slipped on a pair of heels while Hades frantically pleaded with the goddess on the other end of his phone.

“But Hecate-”

Persephone could hear her response through the phone.

“HADES, IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. YOU FOUGHT IN THE TITANOMACHY, YOU CAN LEAD AN ASSEMBLY IN AN UGLY SHIRT! NOW YOU GET YOUR DUMB BLUE ASS HERE RIGHT NOW! YOU’RE ALREADY GOING TO BE LATE AND WE DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR YOU TO FIND A WARDROBE CHANGE!” ****[drink - scary Hecate!]**** Then the goddess hung up, leaving Hades with a stunned look on his face.

 _I knew I could count on Hecate_ , Persephone thought. She was one of only a few beings that could manage to terrify even Hades, and Persephone had known that the no-nonsense goddess would react along these lines.

“Babe… You heard Hecate. _I_ heard her. You have to pick a shirt and we need to go. I’m ready, and we’re already running late.” She glanced at the clock. “It’s 8:58. Hecate can’t stall for too long before you need to be there. Come on, let’s find the, er, best option and you can deal with the rest of this as soon as the meeting is over.”

Hades looked horrified and resigned at the same time, and Persephone almost felt bad. _Almost._

“Come on, let’s get it over with.” She grabbed his hand and tugged him toward the closet.

* * *

The king and future queen fizzed into appearance backstage in the Underworld Corp. auditorium. It was the only place on the company campus big enough to hold the entire staff of the organization. They could hear Hecate finishing the introductory speech Hades had been set to give. As she finished, Hades closed his eyes and took several deep breaths. _Just pretend you’re not wearing it, pretend you’re in a suit, you’re the king, no one is going to say anything, so just pretend everything is normal…_

Persephone put her hand on his arm and looked up at him. “It’s going to be fine. Are you ready?”

Hades reluctantly nodded, and the two walked arm in arm past the curtains. As Persephone walked over to her seat in the line of chairs on the side of the stage, she watched everyone’s reactions. Hades had walked up to take the microphone from Hecate, and Persephone could see the other goddess struggling to keep a straight face. Hades had explained the situation to her over the phone, but it clearly wasn’t enough to prepare her for the true absurdity of the sight in front of her. She managed to school her face into a normal enough expression, although still with more of a smile than was normal for her during working hours, passed the microphone to the ridiculously-attired king, and took a seat next to Persephone. The second she turned to look at the younger goddess, she had to muffle her laughter under her hands and pass it off as a coughing fit.

“I know,” Persephone whispered, “it’s really, really bad, right?” She widened her eyes and made a _yikes_ face.

“Yeah,” Hecate whispered back. “This is the best Monday morning I can remember in decades.”

* * *

The second Hades dismissed the audience that afternoon, he fizzed himself into his office. Persephone and Hecate were only moments behind, but the king was already slumped on his couch with a glass of scotch.

“Fates, Hades, that is truly atrocious!” Hecate shouted, doubling over with laughter. “Oh my gods, I am never letting you live this down.” As he groaned and covered his eyes with his free hand, she yanked out her phone and snapped a photo. “AND, now I have proof!” Hades groaned again.

Persephone sat down on the couch next to her husband-to-be. “It wasn’t _really_ that bad, was it? Now you can get something to change into, and I know you didn’t have any meetings scheduled for the rest of the day, so you don’t even have to see anyone if you don’t want to.” She patted his arm.

“Oh come on,” Hecate interjected. “We all saw everyone’s faces when the two of you walked out. No one would dare say anything to your face, Hades, but they definitely noticed.”

“Knock knock!” The door opened and a ball of energy with fluffy red hair bounded in.

“Hey boss!” Hermes said. “Long time, no _sea_ , eh, eh?” He waggled his eyebrows. “I hope you’re having a _fin-tastic_ day so far. I’m just dropping by to deliver this month’s reports!” ****[drink x2 - Hermes makes a bad joke!]****

Persephone snorted and Hecate smirked.

“Man, I guess someone’s got a case of resting _beach_ face today…,” he widened his eyes and looked at Persephone, who tried not to laugh. “Well, I’ll leave you guys to it. I’m _wave_ -ing goodbye now!” ****[drink x2 - Hermes makes a bad joke!]****

As the door shut on the messenger god, Hades downed the rest of his drink, Hecate cackled in delight, and Persephone tried and failed to contain a triumphant grin.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poseidon gets pranked.

That week’s Saturday family dinner was the setting for the goddesses’ next strike. Persephone often brought along a dessert, and Amphitrite had decided that this was a perfect trick for her husband, who could eat enough food to fill the Marianas Trench and still have room for more, especially when it came to sweets.

Hera always made sure to put Persephone’s treats away so they would be left by the end of dinner, after leaving them out with the rest of the food the first time, only to find an empty tray and a sheepish green god, slumped in his chair, fins out, when she returned to the table. This was how they were going to lay their trap.

* * *

All three couples had arrived and were chatting in the kitchen with their drinks. While Poseidon was busy regaling his brothers with descriptions of the Cirque de la Mer show he and Amphitrite had recently attended - “you guys should have seen it, man, the mermaids were _magnificent_ ” - the Queen of the Sea quietly unwrapped the tray of caramel apples. ** **[drink - Poseidon mentions mermaids!]****

A moment later, his head whipped around toward the kitchen counter; it was as if Poseidon had a sixth sense for food. “Ooooh, what are those?!” His eyes lit up and he strode over the counter to grab an apple. He took a big bite, swallowed, and opened his mouth to continue on with his story- “ACK! Gross! *cough* Something was wrong with that apple,” he whined.

He grabbed another one, bit off a chunk, and swallowed. The goddesses looked at each other with wide eyes.

“Blech, that one’s not right either…,” he mumbled.

As he grabbed a third apple and went to sample that one, the goddesses couldn’t hold it in any longer and burst into laughter, gasping for air while trying to talk, tears streaming down their faces.

“Babe, no! Don’t eat that,” Amphitrite wheezed.

“STOP!” shouted Persephone, “gods, no!”

“Good gaia, Poseidon, do you just eat ANYTHING?!” Hera exclaimed.

He paused, apple in his mouth. “Huh?” he mumbled around it.

“IT’S AN ONION!!!” the three goddesses yelled.

He slowly lowered the caramel-covered onion and blinked. “Oh.” He paused. “I was wondering if you were losing your touch, Seph.” He paused again. “Now that I know, it _was_ kind of interesting…”

He brought the onion back up to his mouth and took another bite, chewing slowly, while the rest of the gods and goddesses in the room descended into hysterical laughter.

“What in the realms is going on in here?” a confused voice asked from the doorway. Ares, leaning against the wall in grey sweatpants and a white tee ** **[drink - Ares in sweats!]**** , looked around at the giggling rulers in front of him with a baffled look.

Persephone grinned. “Hey buddy, want a caramel apple?”


End file.
